How We Kill Our Sons Long Before They Die in The Streets

There are many black women praying for “a good black man,” but they are often the same ones who kill that very goodness in their own sons. They are the ones causing irreversible damage to his psyche long before the schools and society nail his coffin shut.

Unable to watch the recent horrifying moment of a mother beating her 7-year-old son and threatening to ‘break his face’ for disrespecting his teacher, I was reminded of how I killed my own son, long before he went missing 5 years ago.

This is not discipline! This is murdering the soul of your child!

Growing up, my son loved me more than life, but I made him fear me worse than death. I screamed in his face, I beat him for making messes, I threatened him for disturbing me, and I dared him to cry when he was hurting. I broke promises to him, I denied him hugs and loving arms. Above all, I broke the trust of my divine purpose as a mother.

A past that’s haunted me 40 years resurfaced during the national coverage of a mother beating her son in Baltimore Maryland, several years ago. Hailed, ‘Mother of the Year’ by media encouraging society to believe our sons should be beaten into submission because they must be no good.

In an image taken from video, a woman later identified as Toya Graham wrangles her son after she found out that he was rioting in Baltimore on Monday.

I was outraged by her vicious behavior as many mothers were; some because they would never humiliate their sons in public in such a degrading way and others because, like me, have long since lived to regret having violated their precious gifts from God in such a way.

Our sons suffer a slow, cruel, yet invisible death when their mother is the first one to call him bad, the first to yell no, and stop at him. His spirit is broken when she is the one who tells him he can’t do this, shouldn’t do that, and better not think of doing anything other than what ‘Massa’ allows.

I have heard young mothers say, “he just wants me to hold him.” But knowing so, ignores him. Or, “he’s just acting like a baby” when in fact he is. I have watched as she screams at him, calls him derogatory names, and slaps him around in public. At home, she shuts him up when he cries and ignores his need to be held and allows others to punch him around to make him tough. She will scorn him for exploring how things work and applaud him for acting like a clown.

When he gets older, she is the first one to take sides against him when he is accused of doing wrong and takes pride in embarrassing and humiliating him to impress his accusers. There is no wonder he turns to the streets with no regard for life searching for that familiar pain of death until it finds him.

Social networks are riddled with posts of black women crying about the “no good” black men who ruined their lives and broke their hearts but how many of those women ever stopped to think that we as black mothers are the ones who raise these men.

Truth is, there is no such thing as a no-good black man — broken yes, but no one comes into this life ‘no good’ and no one aspires to be ‘no good.’ No-good things would have to shape his world, and the womb is where his world begins. If he receives protection and strong enough love from his mother — even without his father’s presence, nothing in life could break him or make him a no-good man.

As with Monique‘s viral declarations of loving the black man, many black women feel the same but, nothing substantial can ever be said to heal the black man’s wounds until we first offer the sincere apology for the wrong we have done as mothers to our sons who grow into these men. Then, as a collective, we must change our behaviors towards them.

While I can’t possibly recall all the despicable things I did to my son (and his little brother) there are a few things that haunt me constantly; my intolerable attitude towards his need for play, my neglect to hug him, teach him and help him learn on his own with compassionate tolerance and for beating him for making mistakes.

Those things might have been reconcilable in his development had they been occasional incidences, but they were extreme patterns that slowly destroyed his ability to develop trust, curiosity, and self-esteem. To guise my horrendous attitude as a mother, I dressed him up in fine clothes, taught him to address me as ma’am, and speak only when spoken to, so I could show him off in public and get praised for ‘doing a wonderful job’ with him.

Then came the irreconcilable damages. His father went to prison before he was born and remained there for almost 10 years. So, I went on a quest to find another ‘good black man’ — searching the nightclubs where I worked and played. Month after month, I was bringing different men home introducing them to my son.

My son stood by witnessing me sink into drug addiction with man after man and a host of unsavory friends coming and going while I shuffled his half-nourished mind and body into his room and carried on in ways he should never have seen nor heard.

I began to wake up after one of my screaming rages frightened my son so bad (at 8-years old) he wet his pants. I began to clean up my act and would later find out about horrible things that happened to him by some of these dark characters going in and out of my house while I was in and out of consciousness.

Eventually, I found a man to marry, having three more children. Turns out, my husband was tormented as a child too. He never trusted me because of the things he saw his mother do, and to a man, no woman on this planet is better than his mother!

So, if a man’s vicious mother was also a liar, cheater, or nasty man-eater, in his mind, no matter how good a woman may be, he subconsciously believes somewhere inside her exists the same terrible characteristics of his mother.

In the end, I had to escape from my husband, discover me, and ultimately become a different kind of mom raising my children with a different kind of life.

My son will be 45 next year and I have yet to apologize to him for the wrong I did while raising him. Though he went on to build a phenomenal conglomerate of businesses with other tormented men, I knew he was haunted by the past I took him through. But instead of looking him in the eyes and saying ‘I am sorry, I would lower my gaze in silent shame in those rare moments when he would come around; so eventually, he stopped coming.

I tell this story, not knowing whether I’ll ever see him alive again, for other mothers making the same mistakes, andto offer a sincere apology to all the black men who suffer at the hands of their cruel and unconscious mothers.

There is no redemption for me regardless of the changes I have made because I cannot go back and undo what I have done. But if this is heard in the way my heart is pouring it out, we as black mothers can change how the world treats our sons from this day on, by changing how we treat them, raise them, respect them, and empower them with the everlasting effects of his first LOVE.

Right now, throughout the world, the black man is targeted for defeat because even at his worse he is better than most — when he sets his mind to it. It is our job as mothers to nourish their hearts, protect their minds, and flood them with love to brace them for the tribulations society has stored up for them.

That is loving the black man — and we cannot declare our love for him while beating down his sons!

Obviously, this is about our sons which by no means tries to disregard our precious daughters. However, this should serve as enlightenment to what needs to be done for them as well because if our sons are the target, our daughters are the bait.

Chokeholding the “Chokehold:” Banning the Book on Criminal Injustice

In March , Arizona Department of Corrections banned Paul Butler’s book, “Chokehold: Policing Black Men,” about the subjugation of black men in the American criminal justice system because of its potential to disturb control and order in its prison system.

Mr. Butler, a law professor at Georgetown University and a former federal prosecutor, said he understood officials’ concerns about keeping people safe in prisons.  He also said, “I found the ban somewhat ironic because it’s kind of supporting the thesis.”  In his no-holds-barred style, Butler uses new data to demonstrate that white men commit the majority of violent crimes in the United States and he has controversial recommendations that are sure to be game-changers in the national debate about policing, criminal justice, and race relations.  Author Paul Butler

The ban on his book is similar to the ban on, “The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration on the Age of Colorblindness,” by Michelle Alexander, another top selling book about the caste-like system in the United States resulting in millions of African Americans locked behind bars, then relegated to a permanent second-class status.   Why are American prisons so afraid of this book? 

“Chokehold” was published by the New Press, a Manhattan-based publisher, in 2017. Its title refers to the  maneuver that police officers when Eric Garner, 43, died on Staten Island in 2014.


Paul Butler: The New Press


Michelle Alexander:  The New Jim Crow

For in depth story on the ban of the book, see:  NPR – Arizona Prisons Urged To Reverse Ban On ‘Chokehold’ Book and NY Times – Arizona Prisons’ Ban on Book About Racism in Criminal Justice Draws Challenge.



Former NFL Player Jason Brown Gives Community First Fruits of His Farm

Jason Brown NFL Farmer

Jason Brown, Owner of First Fruits Farm in North Carolina

“I am thankful God puts the right people in my life to help get His will accomplished.” — Jason Brown

Jason Brown is a remarkable man. By the age of 26, he was living the dream of many American men, playing Center in the world of professional football. He was, literally, at the top of the game – the highest paid Center in the history of the NFL.   A man of deep faith, Jason’s soul searching led him to walk away from the NFL and a 35 million dollar contract with the St. Louis Rams.

Jason knew nothing about farming. The breadth of his experience was time spent as a kid with his grandfather in caring for a small urban garden. Despite the risks and disbelief of his peers, this 27-year-old pillar of courage stepped out in faith and began searching for land not far from his hometown of Louisburg, NC.

Through an Inexplicable  turn of events, he and his wife Tay acquired the 1,000 acres which they named First Fruits Farm. This name arose from a covenant Jason made with God – that he would donate the first fruits of the farm’s harvest.  The first crop of the farm yielded over 120,000 pounds of sweet potatoes.

First Fruits Farm continues to donate all their crops and, to date, has provided over 850,000 pounds of sweet potatoes and cucumbers to those in need. Dedication of service to others doesn’t stop there. Jason and Tay are committed to inspiring others to get back to the land and discover the power of agriculture. There are tours, events and youth outreach programs – and all who participate are forever changed.  For details visit: First Fruits Farm

Full Story Sources:  Growing a Greener World, Wisdom for Life

NHL’s Philadelphia Flyers Statue of Kate Smith Removed after Discovery of a ‘Dark’ History

A year after her 1986 death, the NHL’s Philadelphia Flyers erected a statue to honor renowned singer Kate Smith, whose rendition of “God Bless America” was played during home games for decades, including the 2018-2019 season. But on Sunday the Flyers announced they had removed the statue, saying the team had discovered some of her songs…

The Philadelphia Flyers Remove a Statue of Kate Smith —



Smith’s 1931 rendition of “That’s why Darkies were Born” is by no means acceptable nor funny, but I confess that I laughed throughout the entire song; just hearing such a mindset.

Another is her 1933 recording, “Pickaninny Heaven,” which asks “colored children” living in an orphanage to dream about a magical place of “great big watermelons.”

Sanctified Fruition of Nipsey Hussle’s Divine Mission

Staples Center in L.A., Thursday, April 11, 2019

Nipsey Hussle’s life will be commemorated with a memorial service held at the Staples Center in L.A., Thursday, April 11.

On Sunday (April 7), the Eritrean community of Los Angeles held a memorial service for Nipsey Hussle at the Medhani-Alem Eritrean Orthodox Tewahdo Church in South L.A.  The service was organized by the United Eritrean Association with hundreds of respective community associates attending.

Hussle was the son of an Eritrean father and African-American mother. His father, Dawit Asghedom identified his son as being a fearless messenger whose time on earth was a divine mission.

Hussle’s mother Angelique Smith, cherished her son’s persona and his one-of-a-kind acumen of being supremely hefty.  She says, “I have perfect Peace.  Please do not stay down, do not stay stuck Because Nipsey Is Great!  He is the Great. And now he is even greater because he has no bounds and no Limits, his energy is everywhere!”

Born Ermias Ashghedom, Hussle adapted his stage name from Nipsey Russell, an iconic black comedian and actor.  Like Russell, Hussle’s early calling card was injecting hazy humor into his rhyme style.

Hussle’s passion for hip hop music, gave him the ability, through partnerships and investments, to develop commercial and residential real estate projects in his own neighborhood in South Los Angeles, such as the plaza that housed his own Marathon clothing store.  He has also established tech programs and collaborative workspaces such as Vector 90- both to provide “a bridge between Silicon Valley and the inner city.”

Gayle King Blames herself for R. Kelly’s Outburst: Classic ideology of Abuse Victims!

“I could see him getting more heated, he was upset with me about some of the questions — that’s OK — he was a little irritated, and that’s OK,” she said of what was going through her mind during the interview. “So, when I see Robert [Kelly] getting really upset, and he stands out of his seat, my initial reaction was, ‘Oh God, please don’t leave, please don’t leave.'”

And if that wasn’t enough, she goes on to say, “I never thought he was going to hurt me or hit me.”  Classic Domestic Violence victim lines.

If you want to know how women end up in abusive relationships, Gayle King Just epitomized how a woman can be sucked into abuse without even realizing it.

What was going through Gayle’s mind is exactly what goes through the minds of most victimized women when a man is towering over her with rage even if not directed towards her.  “He was upset with me about some of the questions – that’s OK.” She’s in control because she’s not afraid but now knows what not to say/do next time.

Just like the typical ideology of domestic violence victims, Gayle is taking the blame for the abuser’s behavior.   It’s also shocking that all her colleagues overlooked this violent display of aggression by an accused abuser, then commending Gayle for withstanding such behavior to continue the interview on so-called “false” allegations of abuse–despite the evidence she’d just witnessed.

Every talk show about domestic violence questions why a woman allows herself to stay or get involved with abusive men; surely there were early signs, right?  This sign, displayed in front of a national audience, was as clear as day yet everyone acted as if something very wrong hadn’t just happened.  The honest answer to that question plays out the very same way it did for Gale while it was happening; by blaming herself for upsetting him, and hoping he won’t leave because of it.

If never before, Gayle now has firsthand experience of the denial victimized women go through before one day waking up to realize they are victims.  Hopefully, she and all the celebrity advocates who are patting her back will learn from this excellent example–how an abuser draws in his victims and why his victims usually do whatever it takes to avoid “accidentally” getting hit.

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